The Action/Thriller Bracket (Mk. II)

Earlier this year, I took a look at the action movie bracket I had made for a previous article and I didn’t think it was hard enough. As a card carrying member of Big Bad Faith Bullshit Movie Discourse, I could not let that stand. So I went to the backyard, I dug up my shitty pre-bought 64 seed bracket PNG, and I gave it another go.

I think my intentions with the first bracket were noble. Mainly, it was to forgo some of the usual suspects when it comes to these kinds of brackets and go with some scrappy upstarts that I think we should talk about more. This approach also allowed me to cover some nuances of action that don’t get enough love and shape what I felt was a more engaging kind of debate. 

However, the problem with that approach is that it meant that said scrappy upstarts would end up going against juggernauts, and in the end, that gives said juggernauts an edge. Moreover, I think the first bracket leaned slightly too heavily toward my biases. That is, of course, unavoidable, and I don’t think I fully fixed any of the problems I’m laying out here. But some of the good ol’ old heavy hitters are finally here, and I sacrificed some personal favorites to bring them along. So here we are again. Also, I copied and pasted large swaths of this article from the last one because I fucking could. 

Rules/Guiding Philosophy Behind the Bracket

A good stupid internet debate is only as good as its arbitrary restrictions and needless gatekeeping. As such, I made a bunch of rules for myself and tried to follow them with some guiding principles.

1. One movie per franchise.

2. The films in the first round are not paired by seed, but by a connection they have with one another.

Sometimes it’s a filmmaker or an actor. Sometimes it’s an aesthetic similarity or a filmmaking technique. Sometimes it’s the means by which you may have watched the movies for the first time. Sometimes it’s something a little more thematic or esoteric. 

This was my way of not leaving everything up to randomness. Though there is wisdom to drawing all the names out of a digital hat, so to speak, I felt that this way gives everything at least somewhat of a shot to move forward. Goldeneye vs. Mad Max: Fury Road is a fun debate, but it’s also one that’s easy to predict for most people.

3. Though the movies are paired by a connection, go for which one you like more, not which one fits the theme better.

        The connections are an organizational tool for myself, not a framing device for your own debates. When it comes to the pairings, go with your heart and ignore my existence.

4. The bracket is intentionally designed to call into question what does and does not qualify as an action movie or a thriller.

Part of the benefit of doing this is to encourage debate about what is or is not an action movie, or what is or is not a sub-genre of action, and how do we define any of these terms in the first place. 

        However, to be honest, the primary reason I did this is because I don’t see the point of needlessly narrowing what an action movie or a thriller can be. Plus there’s the benefit of having a larger variety of movies to work with, thus giving myself the chance to make (what I think, at least) is a more interesting bracket. We could just talk about the usual machismo bullshit, but is that fun?

5. This is not a bracket to determine the greatest action movie of all time. It is a bracket about picking your favorite movie in the bracket.

In other words, the omission of your personal favorite action movie should not be seen as a slight on its potential quality. I’m just trying to make an interesting bracket with interesting movies. I’m not pretending I have any insight to give beyond that. 

        Also, there’s a section towards the end of this article about why you’re favorite movie might not be on here. 

        6. I am intentionally not setting the parameters of what you’re debating. 

        I’m not telling you if you’re debating the best executed action or the best overall movie or anything in between.

Personally, I’d go best overall movie, as I think the action should ultimately serve the narrative and the aesthetic of the movie as a whole. Or frankly, if a movie has expertly crafted action, but it’s other elements are non-existent or poorly executed, I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable calling it “good.” 

But that’s just me! Some people are wired to have a stronger emotional reaction to the craft of an action scene than how a movie uses action to tell a story, and that’s fantastic! Subjectivity and all that good shit!

The value of brackets and lists and all the gimmicky ways we quantify films is to find out what we truly believe. Why do we love the movies we love? Why do we hate the movies we hate? What are the flaws in our favorite films? What does a terrible movie do well? These are all worthwhile questions because they ask us, in a roundabout way, to interrogate ourselves and figure out what we value. So use whatever metric you want. Just make sure you mean it.

The New Pairings

On top of some rearranging, there are fourteen new match-ups. Some of these are slightly tweaked versions of matches that existed in the old bracket and some of them are wholly new. But either way, here they are in the order they appear in on the bracket starting on the left side.

Die Hard vs. Raiders of the Lost Ark: Battle of the Old Canon

Not a whole lot to explain here. 

Debate wise, it’s really a question of whether or not you prefer your action gritty and grounded or whether you prefer something a bit more fantastical and swashbuckle-y. Or you like both and you see this pairing for what it is, which is me being a shitty little goblin and forcing you to make what most people would consider a hard choice.

I’ll say that for me, these are both movies that I’ve seen so many times that I can only focus on what I don’t like about them. But on the other hand, there’s a reason that’s the case.

Apocalypse Now vs. The Empire Strikes Back: Battle of the Hearts of Darkness

Both of these movies center around war. Both feature lead characters who trek into a jungle (or in one case, a jungle/forest swamp hybrid planet) to find an old authority figure, and both learn what men they could become if they let the darkness consume them. Specifically, in both cases, they could become violent heartless tyrants who misuse their power and influence.

Of course, I’m being reductive. But you get what I’m going for here.

Really, in a lot of ways, this is also a battle of tone. Both movies critique the evil that comes with authority and dominence. But do you want that story in the form of a plucky family friendly sci-fi movie about space rebels or in the form of a violent psychedelic odyssey into the madness of the Vietnam War (and, in a lot of ways, filmmaking itself)? Again, it’s not one or the other. But it wasn’t until making this bracket that I realized how much these two movies have in common. (Kind of.)

Drive vs. Blade Runner: Battle of the Melancholy Synth Vibes

This was originally Drive vs. The Driver in the Battle of the Cool As Shit Car Action Movie With Minimal Dialogue. In the end, I changed it because I don’t think The Driver ever held as much cultural weight as Drive and I wanted to make a harder debate for more people.

But I’ll never forgive myself for cutting The Driver. The Driver rules. Go watch The Driver. Now. 

Anyway, this is now a debate about movies that thrive on mood and tone more than plot and character. I probably accidentally created a scenario where Drive gets trounced, but then again, I have this sense that a lot of people think Blade Runner is overrated. Those people are wrong, but who knows?

The Rock vs. Face/Off: Battle of the Basic Cable Classics Starring Nicolas Cage

This one’s just a slight tweak. The Battle of the Basic Cable Classic was in the old bracket, but it was between Face/Off and Demolition Man. However, I got rid of The Battle of the George W. Bush Administration (Bad Boys II vs. The Bourne Supremacy), and it felt crazy to not have at least some Michael Bay representation on this bracket. Luckily, The Rock played just as much on cable as Demolition Man, if not more.

And hey, they both star Nicolas Cage!

Also, just to be clear, the cable aspect of this pairing is not a judgment on their quality. Catching an action movie on cable is part of many an action movie upbringing, and at least as of writing this, I think that should be acknowledged. That said, I personally don’t care for The Rock that much, but I do understand the weight it carries.

RRR vs. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: Battle of the International Hits

A part of me resisted this one because it reinforces an America centric vision of action cinema that I already feel is a huge problem with this bracket. I can’t help that these are the movies most people around the world have seen, and moreover, watch enough action films from Korea or Hong Kong or India and it becomes clear that we Americans aren’t always as good at this as we think we are when it comes to this action movie shit.

Case in point: A huge part of the reason I wanted to make another pass at this bracket was to have an excuse to put RRR in it, a movie I think wipes the floor with vast swaths of American action cinema. It was really just a question of what to put it up against.

The obvious choice would’ve been Top Gun: Maverick as they both came out the same year. But I don’t think they have a lot in common beyond that, other than both being varying degrees of nationalistic. Then I thought about Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and that made sense, not because I’m pitting the two Asian films against each other form (apologies for that), but because they’re both aggressively not of the American style, what with the blunt changes of tone in RRR and the supernatural elegance of Crouching Tiger.

Either way, we Americans are dumb and we frequently like dumb trash!

Goldfinger vs. Casino Royale: Battle of the Bond Generations

Pretty simple one. You like old goofy Bond or new grounded Bond?

Also this was born from the previous bracket’s Dawn of the Planet of the Apes vs. Goldeneye in the Battle of the Strong Late Franchise Entry, but that one barely made sense, and if I’m being honest, was a pretty thin excuse to get Dawn in the bracket. It’s gone now, but I’d take Dawn of the Planet of the Apes over a fairly high percentage of the movies on this bracket and I’m willing to die on this hill. 

Dawn had to go, but Bond could stay.

Black Panther vs. Thor: Ragnarok: Battle of the MCU

This was originally Black Panther vs. Hot Fuzz in the Battle of the Insular Communities Being Forced to Reckon With The Consequences of Their Self-Imposed Isolation. A somewhat clever pairing, but more so, it’s nonsensical bullshit. I think I didn’t want to put too many superhero movies in because I tried an early version of the first bracket on a friend of mine who wound up with three superhero movies in his final four and I wanted to avoid that scenario. I don’t know why, but I did.

Anyway, this one’s much less stupid.

The Parallax View vs. Blow Out: Battle of the Paranoid Political Conspiracy

Look. I got rid of a lot of babies for this version of the bracket. I got rid of The Driver and Dawn of the Planet of the Apes for you fucking people, as well as some other beloved movies of mine we’ll get to later. I get to have at least one “if you know, you know” match-up on here. 

Both of these movies revolve around citizens happening upon political assassinations. Both wind up having almost comedically pessimistic views on our ability to combat ruthless power grabs committed by the worst kinds of people. Both were made by highly respected filmmakers. Both look stunning in their own way. (Particularly The Parallax View.) I could go on.

I realize that these are almost assuredly the two least seen movies on this bracket, but again, if you know, you know. If you haven’t, go watch both of these movies. If you don’t feel like putting off the bracket to watch said films, go with The Parallax View if you like your movies a bit more surreal and cerebral and go with Blow Out if you want something closer to the ground. But actually, just go watch both.

Dredd vs. A History of Violence: Battle of the John Wagner Adaptation

So this one was born from the ashes of two former match-ups.

The first was Dredd vs. Attack the Block in the Battle of the Apartment Complex. I ended up getting rid of this one for two reasons. I didn’t think Attack the Block faired well past its second round (even though I love that movie dearly and I hate myself for cutting it). Second, I kept getting “Why don’t you do Dredd vs. The Raid: Redemption? BECAUSE BOTH OF THOSE MOVIES ARE ALSO IN APARTMENT BUILDINGS???????” (The answer to that, by the way, is that I think The Raid vs. John Wick is a stronger match-up.) 

The second was A History of Violence vs. Sicario in the Battle of the Understated Brutality. These are both quiet movies until they aren’t, and when they get bloody, they get particularly bloody. However, I thought of a better match-up for Sicario that we’ll get to later, so this match ended up going.

The thing is that I didn’t want to get rid of A History of Violence and I definitely didn’t want to get rid of Dredd. Then I did some googling and it turns out the A History of Violence and the character of Judge Dredd were created by comics writer John Wagner. So here we are!

First Blood vs. Enter the Dragon: Battle of the Action Icons

The first version of this bracket included Die Hard vs. Enter the Dragon in the Battle of the Star Maker Movies with Guys Named Bruce. The connection between these movies is, admittedly, a bit tenuous. They both made stars out of Bruce Willis and Bruce Lee, but that’s about it. Also, if we’re being honest with ourselves, Enter the Dragon was a bit outclassed. I know you don’t want to hear that, but look deep in your heart. You know it’s true. 

Admittedly, this solution is not much better. But I think it’s a closer match-up.

To be clear, Sylvester Stallone was already a big deal before First Blood. But that was for Rocky. First Blood is the introduction of Stallone as an action star, and if he had a fork in the road that led him to where he is today, it would be here. (I also like that his next two roles were an uncredited role in Staying Alive and Rhinestone. I like to believe that these two experiences made him go as far in the opposite direction as possible.) As for Bruce Lee, well… he was already Bruce Lee. 

Really, it’s a battle of iconography. Does the image of Bruce Lee in his attack stance resonate with you, or is it the shirtless John Rambo in his head band running around the woods? There are no wrong answers.

Top Gun: Maverick vs. Saving Private Ryan: Battle of the American Military

I said in the article for the first bracket that I didn’t include war movies because I was unsure whether or not the action they contain was supposed to titillate in the traditional action/thriller sense. But then I began to doubt that move.

Also, Top Gun: Maverick had to be in the bracket. The question was what to put it against.

What could match it in terms of scale? What about in terms of action and immersion? Dunkirk came to mind, but even though it’s my favorite Nolan movie by a fairly wide margin, it (intentionally) lacks a certain charisma and star power. I thought about The Dirty Dozen but it doesn’t have the cultural weight. A few other war movies came to mind, but once I thought about Saving Private Ryan, it was hard to think of anything else.

I think both are flawed somewhat in their tone. Everything between the brutal battle scenes in Saving Private Ryan can be schmaltzy to the point of actively cloying and Maverick has a morally dubious relationship with the might of the US military. (It’s possible, however, that I can’t get that out of my head as I saw Maverick in the same building that houses the Enola Gay.) Still, there’s an undeniable power to both. I don’t know what I’d pick here.

The Departed vs. The French Connection: Battle of the Bastard Cops

Popeye Doyle is an incompetent racist moron. I think the movie knows he’s incompetent, but I’ve never been able to tell if the movie made him a racist moron on purpose or by accident. The French Connection is, after all, a movie made in the ‘70s, a decade that largely didn’t have the language or the cultural understanding to think properly about the police.

Meanwhile, as far as which cop is the most deplorable in The Departed… take your pick. It’s probably Colin, as he’s a corrupt self-interested douchebag murderer. (And probably a racist.) But really, all the police characters in The Departed are compromised in one way or another.

Politics aside, both of these movies are big deals for a reason. The French Connection has the car chase. The Departed is really a string of scenes and performances that are seared into my memory. And for as many shining qualities as they both have, they also share many flaws. But regardless, ACAB.

Django Unchained vs. Inglorious Basterds: Battle of the Tarantino History Revengers

Pretty self-explanatory one.

Green Room vs. Sicario: Battle of the Violent Exploration of American Conservatism in the 2010s

Green Room is a movie about a group of broke kids in a punk band who find themselves trapped in a remote venue in the woods by an army of terrifyingly well-organized Nazis. A feeling that all of us have become more familiar with in the years following the release of Green Room.

Sicario, meanwhile, is a movie in which an FBI agent joins a team of CIA operatives and Delta Force soldiers for a mysterious cartel related mission in Mexico. It becomes clear that the mission is to assassinate the current leader of the cartels to install a new leader who’s more willing to cooperate with the US government. During the operation, civilians are killed and every time protagonist Kate tries to do the legal thing, she’s severely punished, and the system ends up spitting her out.

Racism and US imperialism, all presented to us in some of the most brutally violent films of the 2010s. Also, to be perfectly honest, I just wanted to pit these movies against each other because it felt good in my brain. It took me a second to realize why.

The Old Pairings

Here are all the old pairings and the justifications for all of them in alphabetical order. This is mostly copied and pasted from the old article with minimal changes.

Children of Men vs. Mad Max: Fury Road: Battle of the Thematically Connected Post-Apocalypse Movies

Theo Faron and Max Rockatansky both live bleak existences in worlds that have fallen apart. Granted, the world Max occupies is a little further down the slide, but there’s an increasing tangibility to Theo’s London, and if and probably when the world starts to collapse (assuming it hasn’t already), I think it’ll look more like Children of Men than, well… I was going to say Fury Road, but you could probably throw in most post-apocalypse movies in general.

Theo and Max both get by through self-preservation and detachment. Both have, in certain ways, lost a family, and both of them are probably not capable of ever fully getting over that loss. Both are eventually tasked with escorting a woman through a hostile and dangerous landscape, and along the way, both eventually rediscover their humanity and reclaim their ability to change the world around them for the better. Both men end, ultimately, at peace.

Many may bristle at calling Children of Men an action movie. Theo, admittedly, doesn’t have the brawn of Max, nor does he have the confidence or, really, the ability to carry out a big action movie plan. But I’d argue that he’s an effective action protagonist for that very reason. He’s not a projection of what we’d like to be able to do if we were thrust into an action scenario. He’s what we’d really do, and that’s part of what makes him compelling. Similarly, Children of Men doesn’t have the same kind of endless thrills that Fury Road carries by the bucketload. But I saw Children of Men in a theater, and my asshole still clenches every time I watch the farm escape or the long take in the car.

I say all this not because I think Children of Men needs defending. I think we all agree that Children of Men is, you know, pretty good. I say all this because I’m fully aware that Fury Road is probably going to win the bracket for most people, as well as any bracket on which it appears, and I want to emphasize that I gave it steep competition in Children of Men for a reason. You may have noticed that there’s a lot of heavy hitters in Fury Road’s corner of the bracket, and there’s a reason for that too. 

I thought about not including Fury Road because of how much cultural weight it has to throw around. But not including it is also insanity. So I figured that if it’s going to be on here, I need to make it as hard for it as possible. I just hope I succeeded. 

City of God vs. Battle Royale: Battle of the Broken Political System Inflicting Itself Onto the Youth

I know I’m the one who made this bracket, but this one’s a real fucker for me. 

City of God, despite how alive a movie it can feel, is a story about how ineffective government, systematic abuse, and corruption (and don’t forget easy access to firearms) trickles down and creates a life of violence and death for those who live in what should be paradise. Particularly for the teenagers in the Cidade de Deus who have to dodge bullets, as well as shoot them, when they should be worried about teenager shit. Falling in love. Getting high. Following your passions.

Battle Royale, on the other hand, is a movie about teenagers on the cusp of graduation who are forced into a government mandated fight to the death. Some of them realize the unfair burden being placed on their shoulders. Some of them take it too well for their own good. Anyone who’s ever entered the job market can probably relate.

In a way, this one’s asking you how you like your social critique. Neither of these movies are subtle, but one of them is clearly going for a more grounded (if frenetic) approach, set in a real city facing real tangible systemic issues, while the other is going for the unreality of a sci-fi dystopia. Which approach works for you more? (“One that works.” Says detractors of either movie. Very funny.)

Collateral vs. Edge of Tomorrow: Battle of the Non-Franchise Tom Cruise Vehicle

Similar question here, sans social critique. You want your non-franchise Tom Cruise movie grounded or massive in scope? Although I’m sure there’s some to be found if you look a little closer. Perhaps something about a white guy intruding himself onto a black working class cab driver’s life and traumatizing him, or the disposability with which the military sees its soldiers.

Something like that.

Commando vs. Predator: Battle of Arnold

You don’t need me to explain this one.

Fast Five vs. Mission: Impossible - Fallout: Battle of the Mega Blockbuster Franchise

About the copout I put at the bottom of the bracket.

The Fast & Furious movies and Mission: Impossible franchise had to be on this bracket somewhere. I chose the two I chose because I feel like they’re largely seen as the consensus favorites. (For the record, Fast Five is my favorite of the franchise by a fairly wide margin, and as for Mission: Impossible, I’d personally go Ghost Protocol, but I understand the Fallout love a thousand percent. I’m just a sucker for a Brad Bird setpiece.) 

The one movie per franchise rule is there to force a more diverse palette of movies, but I also don’t find the idea of using the bracket to determine which movie in an individual franchise is the best to be all that engaging. What is interesting, to me at least, is which overall franchise you like more and whether or not the strongest of each franchise can truly hang. So as far as which respective movie from each franchise you like the most and which one you think should be in the bracket, it doesn’t really matter to me. Substitute away!

As for why these two particular franchises, well… you know damn well why they’re here.

Hard Boiled vs. Supercop: Battle of the 1992 Hong Kong Action Movie

I have an embarrassing confession to make. I didn’t watch Hard Boiled until 2021. 

I don’t think I loved it quite to the extent that many do. I think act three drags, I think some of the plotting is a little clunky, and I just didn’t buy the central friendship the movie was selling between Tequila and Alan. But the craft on display is awe-inspiring, and much like discovering an old jazz album that birthed a billion hip hop samples, I see the DNA of this movie everywhere. I was told that I would, and yet it still shook me.

Supercop, on the other hand, is a movie my father rented from Blockbuster when I was little, and it’s the movie that made me fall in love with Jackie Chan. (Really it was the one-two punch of seeing Mr. Nice Guy and Rush Hour in a theater, then seeing this movie on VHS.) Most people would probably select Police Story for the bracket, probably on some well-deserved first cut is the deepest logic. But I couldn’t resist the 1992 thing. Also, I happen to like Supercop more, it has some of the greatest stunts ever put on film, which is to say nothing of Michelle Yeoh jumping a fucking motorcycle onto a train.

Again, no wrong answers here.

John Wick 4 vs. The Raid 2: Battle of the New Canon

It was originally John Wick 2 here, but I changed it to 4 as it seems to be the new consensus favorite.

I wonder about this one in the year 2023. I think it’s clear that we’re never going to get another Raid movie, or at least not an official one, though we’ve had many imitators and spiritual sequels. (See: The Night Comes for Us.) Is the influence and cultural juice of The Raid 2 beginning to wane? Does that makes this an easier call?

The answer is probably. But then again, you go watch some of those Raid 2 scenes on Youtube again and this debate, at least for me, becomes a nightmare all over again.

Kill Bill Vol. 1 vs. Oldboy (2003): Battle of Revenge

Quick programming note on both of these. For Kill Bill, I didn’t do The Whole Bloody Affair because they were released as separate movies and how you release things matters, dammit! Secondly, there’s some debate in my circle about whether or not Oldboy is really an action movie. And I’m fine with that. 

But as far as the movies themselves, they both occupy a particular place in my mind. My dad rented the Vol. 1 DVD from Blockbuster in preparation to watch Vol. 2 in a theater, and it was one of those experiences where I could feel my brain being rewired. I simply didn’t know you could do many of the things this movie does. The music, the style, the violence. Once the credits rolled, I had to know more about this Tarantino guy I had just been introduced to. (More on why Django Unchained isn’t on here later.)

Oldboy came a little later. My brother got me the big tin DVD box set for Christmas. We watched it late at night, and I had a similar experience. It was during a period of my life where I was really beginning to fall in love with film, and Oldboy was the perfect bridge between my prepubescent love of action cinema and my adolescent love of capital C Cinema. A weirdo revenger tragedy that remains untarnished even after years of toxic hype amongst obnoxious film bros on certain sections of the internet.

Not quite sure what I’m going to do here yet.

Logan vs. The Dark Knight: Battle of the Dark Superhero

I find myself in a weird spot when it comes to superhero movies. 

On one hand, it takes a lot to motivate me to go to a theater to see one nowadays. I’ll gladly watch them at home, because I do find them interesting to talk about and study. But the thought of paying to watch one in a theater exhausts me. On the other hand, I find that I have very little patience for people who thumb their nose at them. I don’t think criticizing superhero movies because they’re superhero movies is a sign of intelligence or perspective, and while it’s easy to be mad at Marvel, it’s easier (for me at least) to be mad at the years spent by studios and executives conditioning audiences to only go see mega blockbusters. Marvel simply took advantage of what was already in place.

I say all this because I know many people are going to roll their eyes at this one. On top of this, many people saw their emotional stock in The Dark Knight plummet after The Dark Knight Rises, Joker, and the emergence of people who are very loud on the internet about how much they like Joker. You more than likely saw some of them on the news on January 6th.

But do you remember when The Dark Knight came out? Do you remember the excitement in the air? That feeling of, “Oh wait, superhero movies can be this?” We take that for granted now, but there was an energy in the air when that movie came out that I’ll never forget.

As for Logan, well, it’s just a great movie. An angry movie about a grizzled old man falling apart at the seams as he fights to save a girl from what is effectively the Trump Administration. It’s gory, it’s bleak, and it is, in many ways, the promise of The Dark Knight truly fulfilled. 

I feel a little icky (semi) defending superhero movies. But I don’t feel that way defending great movies about superheroes.

Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers vs. Princess Mononoke: Battle of the Epic Fantasy Action

Animation should not be thought of as a genre. It is a filmmaking technique, and it should not be pinned down by storytelling convention or target audience or the perception that it’s just for kids. (If, for example, this was a horror bracket, I’d put Perfect Blue on it, where it would proceed to wipe its ass with a high percentage of its competition.)

Also, I picked The Two Towers because I feel like that’s the one with the least amount of detraction? I think? I don’t know. Feel free to swap it.

Now that my righteous indignation and organizational nonsense is out of the way, having to pick just one of these sucks. They are both stunning artistic achievements, and they’re both some of the best entries in the history of the epic fantasy genre across all mediums.

I don’t really have much to say here, other than that I have no clue what I’d do here.

Man on Fire vs. Taken: Battle of the Disgruntled American Tearing Through A Foreign Country

Pretty self-explanatory one, really. 

I imagine a lot of people will have the impulse to go with Taken. But just remember that Man on Fire features a scene in which Denzel Washington shoves a bomb up a dude’s ass and blows him up under a highway. This action movie bracket is important.

No Country for Old Men vs. The Wild Bunch: Battle of the Anti-Western

There’s a lot of genre discussion to be had here. Apart from the obvious one about whether or not these count as action movies, we can also spend some time debating the difference between a revisionist western or an anti-western or any other term for a western that does not adhere to the values of the older generation of westerns. Or really, whether or not westerns with old time-y High Noon like values even exist anymore. (The last proper western I can think of is Open Range, and even that one’s debatable.) You can’t really call yourself an anti-western if there’s nothing to really be anti towards.

I mention all this because for some reason, I feel the need to talk about how long it took me to choose between Battle of the Anti-Western or just Battle of the Western. 

Brackets are extremely important. Also The Wild Bunch and No Country for Old Men are very good movies.

Ran vs. Seven Samurai: Battle of the Kurosawa Masterpiece

Conundrum: You want to put Seven Samurai in your dumb action movie bracket. The problem is that you have to think of something that could maybe compete with it. I thought about Lawrence of Arabia, but I didn’t want to give anyone an easy reason to dismiss a movie other than the fact that they don’t like it, and Lawrence of Arabia is a standout example of white saviordom. (As to whether it holds up on merit, honestly, I haven’t watched it since early high school.) I also thought about Bridge on the River Kwai, Ben-Hur, Spartacus, and a few others. I almost went with Spartacus, but though some of these movies can measure up in scope, be honest with yourself. None of these movies are really fucking with Seven Samurai.

So who can possibly stand up against Kurosawa? Kurosawa, that’s who.

I know there’s a possibility that someone stumbles onto this bracket and rolls their eyes at the film snob praying at the altar of Kurosawa. Indeed, we probably don’t question the film canon enough. But rest assured, internet stranger, that for Kurosawa, the hype is very real.

Speed vs. Heat: Battle of the ‘90s Transitional Movie

When most people my age (I’m 30) think “blockbuster action” and “the ‘90s,” they’re really talking about the late ‘90s, the line in the sand (probably) being Independence Day. And maybe this is just me, but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had conversations with friends where we associate movies that actually came out in the early ‘90s with the late ‘80s. Of course the most famous movies of the ‘90s will be associated with the ‘90s forever regardless of when in the decade they came out. But (and maybe it’s because of its star) I’m willing to bet that a lot of people don’t know that Groundhog Day came out in 1993, the same year as, say, Menace II Society.

This is a fight between films that came out in the between space, when the movies in the ‘90s stopped looking and feeling like the ‘80s, but don’t quite have that big late ‘90s blockbuster aura yet. (Yes, I know Terminator 2 came out in ’91. Exceptions and rules and all that.) It’s an important time to consider because many of these movies were massive, be it in cultural weight or in box office, and yet many of them would probably wind up directly on a streamer today.

It’s also an excuse for me to have on Speed, a movie I love dearly. Yes, the concept is very silly. Yes, act three drags. Yes, the beginning section does as well, and you can bring up many imperfections. But you’re always going to remember your first viewing of Speed. Or you are, to borrow a term from Tarkovsky, a fart face.

As for Heat, I have another confession to make: I don’t really like Heat that much. I understand why people who were more movie cognizant in the ‘90s like it, and it’s certainly worthy of your respect. Every time I talk about it, I think to myself, “Wait, am I sure I don’t like this movie?” But it’s bloated, a lot of the character work doesn’t do it for me, and there’s just something about the sensibility of its dialogue that rubs me the wrong way. But I get the love. Really, I do.

Terminator 2: Judgement Day vs. Aliens: Battle of James Cameron

Yup.

The Incredibles vs. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-verse: Battle of the Animated Superhero Movie That is Better Than Most Live Action Superhero Movies

For my fellow millennials, this one really sucks. I tried an earlier version of this bracket on my best friend, and he got slightly mad at me for making him choose.

Most people (including myself, most likely), are likely going with Spider-Verse. It is, after all, the more innovative of the two in terms of messaging, aesthetic, and just about every other metric you can think of. But The Incredibles is The Incredibles man!

Look. Pick what you want. All I ask is that before you go with Spider-Verse, take a moment to think about the obvious greatness of The Incredibles, then pick Spider-Verse. I know that’s what I’ll be doing.

The Matrix vs. Jurassic Park: Battle of the Leap Forward in CGI

Remember in the Speed vs. Heat section when I was talking about movies that don’t feel like they’re from the decade they were released in? Say out loud, “The Matrix is a ‘90s movie.” Doesn’t feel right, does it?

Anyway, CGI!

The people responsible for CGI are extraordinarily talented, and when their efforts are effective, we should shower them with praise. And that burden is, in fact, on us because based on the number of dead special effects studios buried in Hollywood’s backyard, they sure as shit aren’t going to do it. Hollywood and labor. You gotta love it.

Total Recall vs. Robocop: Battle of Verhoeven

A message to the friend who knows I’ve done this just to mess with him: I had to.

Hey, Why Didn’t You Include…

Most of the time when I excluded a beloved movie, I did so to make room for movies that should be brought up more in action movie conversations or to simply make a more interesting bracket. Still, let’s look at some of my bigger fuck-ups and hot takes.

Infernal Affairs

It was either The Departed vs. The French Connection or The Departed vs. Infernal Affairs in what would’ve been the Battle of the Remake and the Remade. I ended up going with the former because I thought it made for a more engaging debate, and that pairing would allow me to get The French Connection onto the bracket, which would throw a wrench in for a lot of people.

All love and respect to Infernal Affairs though.

The Mummy

Look. I love The Mummy. You love The Mummy. We all love The Mummy. 

If I put The Mummy in the bracket, the most logical thing to put it against would be an Indiana Jones movie, and Indiana Jones would wind up obliterating it, and I couldn’t think of another thing to pair it against. Maybe Romancing the Stone or something like that. But the thing is that The Mummy either destroys its lesser archeology driven action adventure movies, or it goes against Indy and gets slaughtered. 

In the end, I thought it best to just let it go.

LA Confidential, The Fifth Element, Léon: The Professional, The Usual Suspects, Lethal Weapon, etc.

I wanted to avoid movies that are easy to cut in the first round for reasons that don’t really have to do with the merits of the movies themselves. One obvious reason to cut a movie is that you haven’t seen it. Another is if it’s made by rapists or stars sexual predators.

This bracket is not entirely rid of toxic men. Given the despicable behavior Hollywood has allowed to fester for decades, it’s probably an impossible task to not have to consider a few of these people when we have conversations like these. Everyone has their own limits as to what they can and cannot tolerate.

Some of these should’ve been on the bracket. Personally, LA Confidential and The Fifth Element were hard cuts for me. Then I remembered why I was cutting them and it couldn’t have been easier. Some will disagree with me, but hey, none of the movies I have listed here would last too long anyway.

The Last Action Hero/The Long Kiss Goodnight

You know what’s surprisingly difficult? Being able to distinguish between an underappreciated movie and a great one. 

I thought about including both of these movies, as I think The Last Action Hero and The Long Kiss Goodnight are both varying degrees of fantastic, particularly when it comes to the former. (The fact that they’re both penned by Shane Black is a coincidence in this particular case.) But are they truly worthy?

To be honest, I think there are worse movies on the bracket. However, for me, it’s the same scenario as The Mummy in that it was hard for me to think of a scenario where both don’t get quickly beaten.

The Last Action Hero was closer to making the final cut. I had this idea to put it against Hot Fuzz and do a Battle of the Action Meta-Commentary or something like that. But I feel like most people, even those who realize the degree to which The Last Action Hero got overlooked, would more than likely go with Hot Fuzz, and I couldn’t think of another thing to pair it with. Alphaville maybe. I dunno.

Ditto The Long Kiss Goodnight vs. The Bourne Identity in a hypothetical Battle of the Amnesiac. This is all random bullshit, people.

Inception

Probably one of the bigger omissions on this bracket.

Honestly, whether or not I like Inception depends on the moment. Sometimes, I’m in awe of it as an accomplishment. The vision on display and the technical wherewithal invested to pull it off. Other times, I resent how just about every line of dialogue is exposition, and I find the character work robotic, if not outright absent.

I don’t really have a substantive reason I left it off. It’s because I couldn’t think of anything to pit it against that would be fair, and Paprika isn’t an action movie.

Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

The biggest failure of this bracket is a lack of representation. Simply put, there aren’t enough people of color, there aren’t enough people who don’t identify as males, and there aren’t enough movies not made in America. 

Cutting Ong-Bak sucked. Sure, it’s not a perfect movie. It’s frequently silly, it’s mild hip-hop aesthetics forever date it to the 2000s, and it’s the kind of movie people like more for the execution of the action and the execution of the action only. 

But my god, the execution of the action.

More importantly, it sucks to lose any non-American movie, let alone a non-American with an actor of color. But much like The Mummy and those Shane Black movies, Ong-Bak falls into a specific category of “easily beats most movies like it, but loses soundly if put up against its most obvious point of comparison.” In this case, Jackie Chan movies. (Which there aren’t enough of. I say all these things like I’m not in control of all this.) However, there’s also a layer of ignorance on my part. I haven’t seen enough Jet Li movies, or any of the other action stars that do their own stunts or practice martial arts. 

I felt a need to make this bracket accessible to a certain degree, and certain movies had to go. It’s my fault that Ong-Bak went, and it’s also the movie industry’s fault for so emphasizing American cinema over all else. But it’s mostly mine.

Maybe I’ll make a version of this bracket some day where I don’t care about how many people have seen it, and on that day, Ong-Bak goes on first.

The Grey

The Grey is the best Liam Neeson action movie, but I couldn’t think of a good match. I thought about The Grey vs. All Is Lost in the Battle of the Survivor Movie. But I had trouble really justifying All Is Lost as an action movie. Sidenote: All is Lost rules.

A Johnnie To Movie

As I said, the biggest failure of this bracket is a lack of diversity. But if we set morality aside (which we shouldn’t), the real biggest failure is a lack of Johnnie To. 

Here’s the thing: I’ve only seen three of his movies. One of them is Drug War, which I love, and the other two are The Mission and Exiled, which I don’t. (Forgive me a bit of generational tribalism, but if you’re old enough to have seen one of the original three Tarantino movies in theaters, or you were at least movie cognizant, chances are you pay an undue amount of reverence for movies that involve “cool” men standing around and smoking cigarettes and occasionally some action happens. Though granted, in this case, the action’s really well done.) 

While a lot of the point of this bracket is to question what is and is not action, Drug War may ride a little too much of a line. The final act is excruciating, sure. But most of what comes before that is driven by dialogue-heavy suspense, and I don’t know if it counts.

A bigger factor, however, is that I got insecure about my lack of Johnnie To knowledge. I didn’t have time to watch them all, and I was worried I was going with the wrong one with Drug War. So I let it go in favor of something else. Of all the cuts, this might be the one I regret the most. This or the next one.

Dirty Harry

Potential hot take: I don’t think it holds up.

Con Air

Con Air is dog shit.

Point Break

I personally don’t care for Point Break, but it actually came pretty close to making the bracket. I had an idea to put it up against Speed and do Battle of ‘90s Keanu. But in the end, I thought Speed vs. Heat was more interesting.

Independence Day

Some people want to build castles around their nostalgia. I’m not one of them. Independence Day is not a good movie. I’m sorry.

Full Contact (1992)

Full Contact is a 1992 action movie from Hong Kong directed by Ringo Lam and starring Chow Yun-Fat, Simon Yam, Anthony Wong, Ann Bridgewater, and more. It’s a movie I watched for this bracket, and it’s a movie that I now deeply love. The screenshot in the back of the bracket is from this very film.

Full Contact is everything you want an action move to be. It’s gloriously over-the-top, the action is expertly crafted, it’s sleazy, it’s stupid, and it’s everything in between. It contains elements and ideas that are years ahead of its time (including a bullet time shootout seven years before The Matrix), and it contains maybe the greatest closing line in the history of cinema. I dare not spoil it here.

The reason it’s not on the bracket is because I’m a coward. It’s a hard movie to find, and the probability that a lot people (at least in the US) have seen it is low. As such, I could only imagine people choosing whatever I put it against quickly, and my heart couldn’t bear it.

If you take on thing from this exercise, it’s this: Go find Full Contact, and enjoy.